Midterms... *grinds teeth* Why... I hate being a junior. The work is enough at the school to make you think about suicide. Mais, I'm stronger then that, and I know better. It's just I cannot figure out the point of all te countless assignments sometimes, and the fact that we're learning new material up to the day before midterms.

I started really looking for colleges. My first choice is one it Florida called DMAC (Digital Media Art College). This seems to be the college were animators are born. The next is one in California called the Acedemy of Media Art (I think). And there is another one, but I forget it's name. Mais, DMAC looks really good so far. I've also ored a couple books and becoming an animator and getting into the business. My dad said it would be a good idea. I have a lot of work ahead of me. I'm going to keep looing for colleges as well. Wish me luck.

Au'revoir!

I thought it couldn't get any worse yesterday... Guess what... it did. I woke up today  at 9:30am anly to remember I was supposed to be in school today at 9:00am to work in the art room. I took my antibotic (really potent stuff) and a vitamin supplement pill and left without eating anything. First mistake. I was driving along with my mom about halfway down Orebank Road and this piercing pain went through my stomach. I thought it was nothing, so I kept driving. It happened again. I looked at my mom and said I need to pull over and drink some of the pepsi I had because I took the antibiotic on an empty stomach and I think it making me sick. Second mistake, I drank part of the pepsi. Mom said she would drive. It got worse. She asked if I wanted to go get something to eat. It got worse. I said calmly, yes the closest place. She started, well we have Rutters and... Then I shouted The closest place! So she took a sharp turn and headed toward Giant. The pain was excrutiating now. When we pulled in she thought I should walk in to. She couldn't walk fast enough. I shouted back Hurry! I told her just grab anything and I'll eat it. Of all the things I'm afraid of there are two that can be classed as a phobia. My fear of spiders and my fear of vomiting. I know, it's weird. I'm I am scared to death of vomiting. So by this point I'm in a panic. She grabbed the closest thing to her. Four donuts. Third mistake, I ate about half of one.

I sat for about 15 minutes, unable to move on one of Giant's benches outside. I didn't want to move. I was afraid and the pain was unbearable. My mom pulled the car up one the car in front of me. After I sat there awhile I decided, I have to get home and lay down, and least if I vomit it won't be in front of all the people. So we went home.

I made it in to the house and just layed down on the couch. I kept my legs moving, my feet rubbing against eachother because it hurt so much. It came in bursts, or waves. It would just hurt... then it would REALLY hurt... then it would just hurt again. I don't remember the last time I've had pain like that at the top of my stomach. I was still afraid of vomiting, I didn't want it to happen. After I didn't, my dad asked what I had ate and mom explained. He said if I had the flu vomiting was inevidable, and the fact that I didn't eat anything before taking my mom's extremly potent antibiotic that it just rips and tears apart your stomach. Things looked grim. But after I didn't for a while, dad said that it would be good for me to eat something. He made me a piece of toast with nothing on it. He said to take little bites. I slowly got about a quarter of it down and couldn't eat anymore because it hurt so much. Every time the wave would hit me, it would send and odd tingly-type chill out through my arms and my body. I became cold, so mom put a big blanket over me.

I waited. Ryan and I watched Fever Pitch which was a great movie.I really enjoyed it. The pain was almost gone. There wasn't aweful waves. My mom maid bread with cheese on it. We thought if I ate something else that it would help. Fourth mistake, I ate 2 out of three pieces she gave me. The pain came back, worse then ever. I started to cry. I couldn't take it anymore. I cried and cried. Then, my mom thought it was my appendix. She checked me for rebound. But the paint wasn't anywhere near my appendix. I can't even describe how much pain I was in at this point, but the odd thing was, it was pain, I didn't feel like vomiting, it was all pain. I was still cold.

My mom finally decided to give me a benyl(sp?). It's a smooth muscle relaxer. The stomach is a smooth muscle for those of you who don't know. Mom layed me on the floor to check for rebound again. There was none, because at this point we figured it wasn't my appendix. But now I was very very cold. My hands, feet, and face actually felt tingly, the kind of feeling you get when one of you limbs fall asleep and they were really cold. My mom touched my fingers and they were a purplish color and when she pressed on them they were white. She diagnosed that I was toxic. If it couldn't get any worse, I was toxic on top of it. She thinks it was because of all of the painting I've been doing with oil sticks and turp, then not being to get it off my arms and skin with just soap and water. So I would just leave it on for weeks and wait for it to wear off. Oil stick do not come off with normal soap and water, you need to get it off with turpentine, and if you don't get it while it's wet it's really difficult to get off. She felt my dry skin absorbed the bad art mediums... delightful, no? I almost went to the hospital today.

When the benyl (sp?) kicked in, the pain was gone, but I was still cold. It made me light-headed, so I went to sleep for many hours. I'm feeling a little better now, though. Enough to be able to write today's story. My hands are still a little cold, but they're much better. I'm really upset though, because I told Maria I would be at her birthday... and I failed her. I'm a horrible friend. A horrible horrible friend. I'm so sorry Maria, I really did try. I'm so sorry.

And thank you to my ex for making it that much worse with your email.

And thank you, :3man, for being there for me through all of this. *hug* I miss you. And thank you my dear brother for putting up with me. I love you both!

I'm going to go back to sleep now, because I still feel pretty gawd awful... Good night.